The last bite..

Tunn..tunn..tunn..tunn..

She heard the loud clanging of the overhead bell, signaling the lunch hour
Why can't we just have lunch in class under the teacher's watchful eye.. she wondered for the umpteenth time.
She tried to trail behind everyone else, avoiding the customary push towards the blue door.
As, she got out of the red and white room and entered the bustling line of tiny class 1 students, she mentally ticked off the places where she could spend the coming hour without being disturbed.

The tree clump at the end of the ground wouldn't do... that's where they had found her the week before and had scared her with stories about old graves and wandering spirits, till she had run crying all the way to the school church, with everyone laughing in her wake.
She hadn't been able to sleep alone since then.

The plane behind the buses would have to go to.. thats' where the bus driver had beaten her up with a stick for spilling rouhafza near the tires.

So would it be the ledge on the back wall, to the forbidden backside of the building today? But what if Sister Sophie catches her.. that would mean 10 whiplashes on her palm and 10 on her knuckles.
But she decided to risk it anyway
She looked all around, making sure she wasn't followed, as she softly slipped behind the tin enclosure, to the back of the high brick wall. She lifted her bag up and then climbed uncertainly onto the ledge.
At last! she felt safe from the savage world on the other side of the flimsy tin door. She was about to open her lunch box, a rare smile touching her ruby lips, her fountain pony bouncing happily as she mentally savored the contents, when she heard the voice. "Hey you! What are you doing up there?" She looked down, terrified, to see Varanpal, the most popular girl in class and her cronies staring up at her, hands on hips. "I.. I waaa..as justtt.. ", she stammered as she always did in school. The girls go bored with her bumbling speech and instead started talking to each other in hurried whispers, giggling all the while. The happy sound scared her even more.

"Would you be our friend?", the question took her so much by surprise that she asked perplexed, "wha..at? who? mm..ee?". "yeah yeah", came the unexpected response..
She had never had a friend. No one had ever wanted her for anything other than to make fun of her or to beat her up or to tease her mercilessly.. but friendship.. and being Varanpal's friend would mean no more beatings, no more hating lunch hour, no more tears
"ye...s"she mumbled softly. "Then what are you doing up there? come down to us". She climbed down eagerly and fell clumsily at their feet as her skirt caught on a nail. they laughed their heads off at her, calling her a baffoon. Then Varanpal stopped and looked at her seriously.. "If you want to be our friend, you have to say "I am a fool" thrice and spin around clapping, all the while". she didn't have a choice now did she? She did as she was told as they almost burst out of their tiny bodies laughing.

They took her to the main ground, where everyone sat in circles on grey asphalt,having their food and chatting away, and for now staring at her as she followed, head downcast, in Varan's wake. They made their way to the largest circle, with everyone automatically making way for Varan and her friends.
"From now on, she is my friend", Varan announced to everyone with a wink. Sniggers flew across the circle as she slowly sank to the ground next to Varan. "so where is your lunch?". She looked up confused, at the question from the girl with the bob cut and the red specs, sitting two places from her. "You know.. lunch.. here we all share our lunches by passing them around this circle and since you are new, we are going to start with you today. "
She reluctantly gave her lunch to the girl next to her, who took a huge bite and then passed it on to the next. She watched longingly as everyone devoured her favourite bitter gourd and parantha, which her mother had cooked for her at 5 in the morning. By the time the box made its way back to her, there was only one little bite left.
She picked it up to eat it, when she felt a blow on her back "Get out", and her bite sailed out of her hand and onto the dirty ground. There was another blow and a louder "Get out!!". "But.. bu..t I thought i waa.as your friend". That merited a harsh kick from Varanpal and a riot of laughter from everyone. "You!! my friend?? haha.. in your dreams.. i lied..you moti!!". There were more kicks, blows and chants of "moti moti". Someone hit her with a bag and she went skidding against the asphalt, staining it with blood, as her nose landed next to her last bite of biter gourd..

The applause brought her out of her reverie.. She realized they had just announced her name.. as the winner of the "School's best orator of the year" award.. She had won it three times in a row..
She got up.. walked up to the stage... head held high... gracious smile back in place.. as she turned towards the mike to address the school... silently putting another bandage on the ever bleeding wounds of the little girl

PS: No, Its not fiction..

Experiments...

A bubbling cauldron
a tightened screw
a pinch of imagination
in the dreamer's stew
a wonder in the making
or a living nightmare
its a mystery to be solved
with patience and care

Experiments...
So many things run through my head as think of this word:

A witch stirring a cauldron with a twisted handle
Dr. Jackyll working in his laboratory at his hideous creation.. Mr. Hyde
A faded picture of Einstein with his tongue out on a wrung out old white T-shirt
A cover-less copy of Sheldon's "Stranger In The Mirror" quickly stowed under the bed by shivering young hands
That hiccuping first swirl of Grey smoke from a best friend's cigarette
A rainbow coloured parachute lifting off a white beach with its cargo of closed eyes mumbled prayers and a pair of flying pigtails
A crumpled piece of torn paper from the back of a notebook with hurried scribbles of a first time poetess
Chemistry lab, with a whiff of that strangely alluring smell of hydrochloric acid
The bustle outside a Boards exam centre
The black dolphin on someone's soft brown skin
An unnoticed drop of orange on a plain white canvas sheet
The first trace of perfume on a smooth round neck
The tremble of uncertain feet on a brand new accelerator
The intoxicating smell of a blank checkbook's first check
The tingling memory of a first kiss
Sweaty palms before an interview panel
The guilty pangs over a faithful lie
The noisy intake of every soundless breath
The muted fizz of every spoken word



Experiments.. In the laboratory of life, every moment is an experiment, the results of some are instantaneous and others just continue long after we are gone..
Everything we are, everything we will be, every single thing we do... genius or fool.. criminal or saint, each is an experiment with the ingredients slightly varied, may be an extra turn to that bubbling broth or a an extra big pinch of that reddish brown powder..

PS:This is a result of the prompt on the sunday scribbles, something I came across while reading Veena's blog earlier today

The white plastic purse

I lay today, buried in my quilt with angry tears running down my flushed cheeks... raging like i had countless times before at my non-understanding parents
thinking how they have never understood me
how they have always wanted me to live their life rather my own..
forever saddling me in chains..
taking away my right to a life...
the right to take my own decisions and make my own mistakes..
crying out my frustration hating them for never knowing what i really want and what are the things that are important to me..

and through these tears, rose before my eyes, i don't know from where.. a long forgotten image..

a little white plastic purse.. with a layer of deep blue gelly water swimming from side to side in its outer jacket.. i could have sworn the tiny yellow and red fish bobbing in and out of the stardust tinged waves were as real as you and me.. and seems like a couple of stars had taken a mighty fall and landed in the shimmering mini sea to give the little fish company..

and just like that, i was back in class 1 waiting with bated breath for my first ever school trip.. a one day excursion to a nearby picnic spot "The Bombay Picnic Spot". No no it wasn't anywhere near Mumbai, the city of dreams.. but for a 5 year old, who lived in a small town, which took 15 minutes to go from one end to the other, it was dreamland all right.
I had been going there for years, ever since i was a baby and it undoubtedly was my favourite place in all the world.
But that was not what had kept me awake the whole of the night before.
It was the fact that i was going there on my own without my parents to look after me. of course, the teachers would be there, but still.. How proud i was, just thinking about going up to the ice-cream man, in the bright orange and white uniform, all on my own and getting myself a softy. How many times had i rehearsed it in my head as i lay there in the dark...
watching as the smiling softy wala bhai took an orange cone from the tall cone building by his side.. as he pushed the liver on the big steel machine.. i could feel the vibrations from the giant and watch as the soft snow white cream swirled out of its tiny mouth in that single fluid motion and settled into the cone, forming a perfect inverted spiral...
aaaah and yes, for the first time, i would be handling my own money, a full 100 rupees.. at that time it had seemed like a king's ransom.
I had been rehearsing my favourite songs for a week now 'coz ma'am said there would be singing in the bus.. aah i couldn't wait to get on that wondrous white bus

but what was that? that feeling in the pit of the stomach?
was it fear?
what if i made a fool of myself in front of the whole class?
oh! i could almost hear them all laughing at me now.. could see the look of disappointment on Seema ma'am's face.
how would i ever go back to school with that?
i was petrified.
i didn't want to go on that stupid trip
the next morning brought fresh terrors
what should i say to mummy so she won't make me go?
mummy... she had been bustling up and down since early morning, as excited as i had been.. packing my bag.. making sure i had everything.. dividing my money into small parts and putting them all in different places.. telling me what to do and what not
but i wasn't really listening.. i was imagining the disaster that lay before me.
she suddenly stopped talking.. had i said something aloud?
no i was sure i hadn't..
but she just stood there looking at me, and then took me silently in her arms and told me not to worry, that everything would be fine that no one would laugh at me and it would be the best trip i had ever had.. that no matter what she loved me and would always do
and standing there in her arms then, silently feeling the safety pin poking into my chest as the hanky it held in place was crushed between us, i knew it would be just be like that..

and it was..

the bus ride was great.. everyone loved my songs...
The softy had never tasted this good when my dad had gotten it for me.. the rides had never been this thrilling on the countless times i had ridden them alone...

I saw it while going towards the popcorn stand to get those sweet honey flavoured popcorn i had loved..
It lay among all the rest of the toys.. yet, there was something that separated it from all the rest of them..
Its milky whiteness and that deepest of blues attracted me, making me forget my special popcorn..
I picked it up and tilted it this way and that.. and there in my hands, the sea was alive.. the waves formed and broke in their little closed up world.. the fish swam forward and then disappeared again into the blue depths.. as if shy of the hand rocking their world.. and the stars.. aah the stars twinkled and shone like diamonds on a liquid piece of velvet..
It was undoubtedly the most beautiful thing i had ever seen and i knew i had to have it.
"Uncle iska kitna hoga?" I asked the gray haired attendant for the price of my jewel.. "tees rupaiya..30 rupee" he replied.. that's all i had left, which meant the pop corn would have to go and so would the candy floss.. but i didn't care as my tiny hands fished in the little pink purse for the 3 ten rupee notes and placed them in the rough hands of the man, and off i went with my little plum.
I hid it deep inside my bag which i held on to all through the ride back home...

That night as my mom got ready for bed, i covered her eyes with my little pink hands and then placed it in her lap
as she looked at it, i saw her smile change to wonder and then... then she was crying.. and i was so scared.. scared that she hadn't like it.. that she was angry i had wasted all my money on it

and then she was hugging me and telling me that i was the best daughter in the whole world and i told her i loved her and she said she knew
she looked at the purse again and said that it was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever given her and that she would always keep it with her..

she has kept her promise..
she still has it at somewhere in the back of her Almira with all the other things i have given her over the ages..

I hope things could always be as simple.. i wish i could still be that little girl who thought of her parents.. who was not afraid of showing her love.. i wish mom would still hug me one of these days and tell me that it would all be ok and that she loved me no matter what..
and i would stand there again in her arms believing every word she said..
i wish i could just hug her and tell her how much i love her and that she would believe me too..