The last bite..

Tunn..tunn..tunn..tunn..

She heard the loud clanging of the overhead bell, signaling the lunch hour
Why can't we just have lunch in class under the teacher's watchful eye.. she wondered for the umpteenth time.
She tried to trail behind everyone else, avoiding the customary push towards the blue door.
As, she got out of the red and white room and entered the bustling line of tiny class 1 students, she mentally ticked off the places where she could spend the coming hour without being disturbed.

The tree clump at the end of the ground wouldn't do... that's where they had found her the week before and had scared her with stories about old graves and wandering spirits, till she had run crying all the way to the school church, with everyone laughing in her wake.
She hadn't been able to sleep alone since then.

The plane behind the buses would have to go to.. thats' where the bus driver had beaten her up with a stick for spilling rouhafza near the tires.

So would it be the ledge on the back wall, to the forbidden backside of the building today? But what if Sister Sophie catches her.. that would mean 10 whiplashes on her palm and 10 on her knuckles.
But she decided to risk it anyway
She looked all around, making sure she wasn't followed, as she softly slipped behind the tin enclosure, to the back of the high brick wall. She lifted her bag up and then climbed uncertainly onto the ledge.
At last! she felt safe from the savage world on the other side of the flimsy tin door. She was about to open her lunch box, a rare smile touching her ruby lips, her fountain pony bouncing happily as she mentally savored the contents, when she heard the voice. "Hey you! What are you doing up there?" She looked down, terrified, to see Varanpal, the most popular girl in class and her cronies staring up at her, hands on hips. "I.. I waaa..as justtt.. ", she stammered as she always did in school. The girls go bored with her bumbling speech and instead started talking to each other in hurried whispers, giggling all the while. The happy sound scared her even more.

"Would you be our friend?", the question took her so much by surprise that she asked perplexed, "wha..at? who? mm..ee?". "yeah yeah", came the unexpected response..
She had never had a friend. No one had ever wanted her for anything other than to make fun of her or to beat her up or to tease her mercilessly.. but friendship.. and being Varanpal's friend would mean no more beatings, no more hating lunch hour, no more tears
"ye...s"she mumbled softly. "Then what are you doing up there? come down to us". She climbed down eagerly and fell clumsily at their feet as her skirt caught on a nail. they laughed their heads off at her, calling her a baffoon. Then Varanpal stopped and looked at her seriously.. "If you want to be our friend, you have to say "I am a fool" thrice and spin around clapping, all the while". she didn't have a choice now did she? She did as she was told as they almost burst out of their tiny bodies laughing.

They took her to the main ground, where everyone sat in circles on grey asphalt,having their food and chatting away, and for now staring at her as she followed, head downcast, in Varan's wake. They made their way to the largest circle, with everyone automatically making way for Varan and her friends.
"From now on, she is my friend", Varan announced to everyone with a wink. Sniggers flew across the circle as she slowly sank to the ground next to Varan. "so where is your lunch?". She looked up confused, at the question from the girl with the bob cut and the red specs, sitting two places from her. "You know.. lunch.. here we all share our lunches by passing them around this circle and since you are new, we are going to start with you today. "
She reluctantly gave her lunch to the girl next to her, who took a huge bite and then passed it on to the next. She watched longingly as everyone devoured her favourite bitter gourd and parantha, which her mother had cooked for her at 5 in the morning. By the time the box made its way back to her, there was only one little bite left.
She picked it up to eat it, when she felt a blow on her back "Get out", and her bite sailed out of her hand and onto the dirty ground. There was another blow and a louder "Get out!!". "But.. bu..t I thought i waa.as your friend". That merited a harsh kick from Varanpal and a riot of laughter from everyone. "You!! my friend?? haha.. in your dreams.. i lied..you moti!!". There were more kicks, blows and chants of "moti moti". Someone hit her with a bag and she went skidding against the asphalt, staining it with blood, as her nose landed next to her last bite of biter gourd..

The applause brought her out of her reverie.. She realized they had just announced her name.. as the winner of the "School's best orator of the year" award.. She had won it three times in a row..
She got up.. walked up to the stage... head held high... gracious smile back in place.. as she turned towards the mike to address the school... silently putting another bandage on the ever bleeding wounds of the little girl

PS: No, Its not fiction..

Dead pain

I feel a gentle thump in my foot where his knee had crushed it blue

I feel a soft coolness where the wind from the overhead fan is drying the trailing tears

I feel a numbed warmth as fresh blood flows out of my crumpled fingers

I feel a dull sensation in my head where the hair were pulled out of their roots

I feel a bubble burst as blood boils out of my right ear

I feel a smoky burn near my navel where a new cigarette mark joined the scores before

Of pain, indignity, injustice.. I feel Nothing

These are dead bodies I buried years ago in a lonely grave.. along with love, trust and pride
A grave with no flowers.. A grave with no care.. A grave i no longer visit, to mourn

I raise myself by my good arm and stagger to the kitchen, mentally calculating the time it would take to cook his favourite dinner... stumbling on my torn skirt.. shivering in mid step.. careful not to wake him up, as he shifts in his drunken slumber..

I am so lonesome I could cry...

Tonight.. I am so lonesome I could cry...

I got two shocks today.. the first one was about a very close friend.. he is going through a very very tough time, everything that he built his life around is falling to pieces.. and no matter how much I want to comfort him and tell him not to worry.. to tell him that it will be ok.. I know there is nothing I can do and I don't have words to describe how frustrating that is..

I see him there, kneeling helpless

..in pain

I see his tears falling to the ground

..in vain

I see the demons attacking

..in packs

I see his blood spilling

..through cracks

I see his last breath wheeze out

..in defeat

I see him die

..at my feet

and like a statue I stand still

from my little safe bubble

watching the demons eat there fill

unseen tears fall blinded from my eyes

stopping at the invisible boundary

fate has built with my unheard sighs

the second was that my dad is leaving tomorrow for four months.It was so sudden.. I mean he told me today after dinner, and I just get to meet him for half an hour tomorrow and then he'll be gone :(

I'll miss him so much.. now I too need that party tomorrow to cheer me up :(

As Elvis Presley would have said..

I am so lonesome I could cry...

Dying dance

The soles which had once supported a pair of soft padded feet, are now all worn out and falling off in places.

The once soft satin ribbons, which had wound themselves round legs, softer than silk, are now all ragged and faded.

The shoes, that had once graced brightly lit halls and glided over waxed wooden floors, are today just an old pair of ballet slippers lying neglected in the darkness of a rough unpainted attic.

The memory of every swish and turn they had taken, the magic with which they had once danced is getting cloudy with time.

The applause, which they had come to take for granted, has been replaced by the silence of a forgotten anonymity.

They have come to the point where they fear they may never dance again, and the very thought of it adds another wrinkle to their shredded satin.
They burn with the desire to climb out of their dusty forgotten grave, to face the archlights once again, to move once more like fluid silk across the shining wooden floor, to swish and turn and to take everyone's breath away..
But even as these thoughts slither down their blue roughened surface, they know, that even if they get a chance, they wouldn't be able to hold up, would stumble and make a fool of themselves for the world to see.
They can almost hear the cold cackle of the spectators, witnessing their fall from glory, can almost see the cruel eyes staring at them as they fumbled..

May be some desires are better left to simmer into nothingness.. some lives are better doomed to a dark existence..
So they continue to lie in their little unnoticed corner, forgotten.. fading some more.. dying some more..

Stormy seas...

Today i feel like an ocean..
not the vast benevolent ocean, with its wondrous depths and welcoming arms..

but rather the storming thunderous sea, with my waves up like an armored fortress, shooting my enemies down one by one..
my white churning waters, ruthless and unforgiving, reducing ships of lore to floating rubble..

welcoming sailors from far and wide to their dark muddy graves

destroying
plundering
corrupting

making cowering wimps of grown men
taking their dearest treasures and emptying them into my dank vaults
unleashing the fury long locked in my green chest.. throwing out the pain i had long drowned to my depths

murderous i feel.. killing hope.. snuffing out dreams
giving back, all that was thrust on me
the pain the suffering the tears, that i have drunk for so long.. today i want to throw them right out..
do you hear me moan as the winds above whip my surface to a greater frenzy.. do you hear the tortured screams of my victims.. aah victims.. but who is the victim here i ask? do they not deserve what they are getting?
sailing my unblemished kingdom.. daring to tame me.. taking advantage of my innocent hospitality and treating me like their helpless slave.. walking off boasting of having surrendered me... walking off leaving behind their polluting trails on my white white seas
no.. no more shall they boast.. no more shall they befoul me.. no more shall i let them pass on calm quite seas
they shall pay for their impudence with their last struggling breaths
as i toss them high like rags and strangle them till their windpipes burst

treacherous and wild
is the ocean within me
lunatic and riled
is the ocean that is me..